Lost my self
God, what's wrong with me?What I am doing now? What I want ? What kind of life is on going now? I even couldn't recognize myself sometimes. Yes, as a smart individual, we need do things right, do right things. But what's the criteria for right thing and how to do thing right? I got puzzled really.
I has been ever confident,strong-minded and temperamental. I think if I indeed want to do something, then I can do it. Otherwise , if I wouldn't do something,then nobody can let me do it.
I has been ever thought I could and would decide my own life, select what I like,what I love,select lover,select friend, select life, select job, select smile, select cry if need ....all should go along with my heart
But now I found it's not so easy. In the real life, I have to do this, must do that, even though i hate it actually
Life is just in this way!
24hours per day. 8 hours to do nothing but sleep, another 8 or 10 hours to study that always need keep autonomic, 3 hours for feeding myself for living,1 hour for cleaning then only left 2 ~4 hours to live as what I want...
And day-by-day ,we are talking about customer fit, marketing fit, friend fit,life circle fit, environment fit and so on...Even when we want to buy new clothing, we also need be figure fit or we couldn't get the right clothing...
We must fit this and suit that. That exerts a subtle influence on our personality and life...Human being is powerful but also helpless and puny...
Then I turn to be so-called trainable,adaptable...
I also have been ever praised myself retractable especially in my emotion, I try to smile to everyone. But I also has been beaten times by times for different cases. Sometimes, I couldn't act as what I expected... When I calmed down,I would be regretful then...
And we are not just individual which can live freely, can do what we want, like whatever we like, love whatever we love, hate and kick out whatever we hate. We are multitudinous meanwhile. We must consider others' feeling, we couldn't hurt others to please ourselves,sometimes,we even have to do things against ourselves.That is what so-called morality and justice.
Then I turn to be more cautious, autonomic...
God,I think I lost myself in the world....Oh, what can I do then... No outlet I think, then just let it be .....Poor Smile!!!